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So rare that I write anything of a personal nature in here any more, I seem to have devoted all my thinking and writing time to books recently, never a bad thing in my opinion.  Can’t beat a good book, unless it’s a GREAT book!  There are so many that can fall into either category for me recently, really go check out some of the reviews if you don’t believe me.

Recently, I achieved something huge, maybe not huge for some people, but for me surviving my first year of motherhood was immense.

It was challenge I couldn’t prepare enough for.
I’m the sort of person that decides that I will start something so I get my hands on all the information possible about that topic and learn everything.
Lets for instance say, paragliding, I will scour the net for information, be it books, articles written in blogs, magazines, forums, personal stories and mishaps, will hunt out expert opinions, and then from there, what equipment is best to use, what are the pitfalls, what are the dangers and the things to watch out for, what locations are best, how best to practice and learn the skills needed, what to expect….the list goes on and on but you get the idea right?  All the pregnancy books and magazines etc gave me an idea of what to expect growing a bump and how labour would be either the best moment of my life or the worst etc but nothing really prepared me for life with a human monkey child.

I absolutely adore my child, she’s funny, beautiful, clever, an incredibly fast learner and great company, but sometimes I look at her and wonder what she’s making of everything.  Does she know that most of the time I make it up as I go along?  I remember my mum telling me often “there is no big book of life, you just have to make it up as you go along and hope you’re doing it right” and my word she was right!!  Just because the wee angel round the corner can balance on her hands and speak 12 languages before the age of 1 (slight exaggeration there, using artistic license) doesn’t mean that every child will do that. 
But none of that makes up for the moments of self doubt, or the panic that you might not be doing things right.  When you see “super parents” in the media you instantly worry and compare yourself to them.  It’s the same when it comes to most things, you see the celebs etc in the media and instantly think badly about yourself.  I try to remind myself that the reason you don’t see them with dried weetabix on their t shirt or baby drool all over the shoulder of their shirt is that they have people paid to make them look good in public.  Whereas I have to make the monkey child look presentable, ensure she’s got a clean nappy on, not managed to cover her face with food of some sort and if I have the energy, make sure I’ve brushed my hair.  Who am I kidding?  My hair is usually scraped back in a ponytail to keep it out of reach from sticky fingers that like to pull it. 

Motherhood isn’t the easiest job in the world, and quite honestly it’s far from the hardest.  There are times that it feels like the hardest job on the planet, but it’s a worthwhile job, you get to nurture this little person, see them grow and develop, see their character emerge and watch with joy as they achieve their own milestones. 
The early days of motherhood were some of the hardest I’ve lived through so far, knowing what to do was a major problem.  Suddenly I was home with this little person and I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, exhaustion was sapping any reserves of energy I might have had and hormones were just jangling like little alarm bells warning that tears were inevitable.  But thankfully I had a good support network, my husband was invaluable, just being there to change a nappy when I didn’t have the strength to get up, or taking the wee one to rock her to sleep (or wander about the house in the dark pleading with the wee monster to go to sleep) so I could get a few hours here and there. 
But we got through those tough early days, we made it past the scary stages of the monkey trying to pull herself up on anything and any one, past the confusion of weaning, and now we get to look forward to the joys of potty training, talking (more than just a few simple words at a time), making more of a mess and generally just being a monkey.  But, I really can’t wait, it’s a fun adventure, and  best of all, I get to spend it with this amazing person.

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