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Archive for the ‘pregnancy’ Category

I have to admit, that before pregnancy, a C Section was never something I thought about, hell it wasn’t something we spoke about over coffee at Costa at work (and I might add we spoke about most things!).
So when I was told after 36 hours of exhausting labour that I needed a emergency section, I felt like I’d been hit by a train.  The consultant started to reel off all the side effects, and the dangers and panic kicked in, suddenly this wasn’t the “walk in the park” the books had described, the drugs were the hardcore “stop you feeling anything past your boobs” sort and the theatre gowned up doctors were ready to get this show on the road.  I don’t think I will ever forget seeing the tears that the midwife had when she asked me if I was ok before they wheeled me out of my room and to theatre, I think the fear and panic showing on my face was enough to show this experienced midwife that I really didn’t know what was happening and they’d just babbled a lot of stuff to us and expected us to just go with it.  Granted, we did, because it was in my best interest, as well as for the baby.  It later turned out that I had 2 blood clots (of the substantial sort) that could have posed risk to either and both of us if they’d not acted as they did.

What no one told me was that once the spinal block had taken hold, I would shake uncontrollably because of how my body reacted to the drugs, I would feel cold as ice and I would also feel sicker than I had with severe morning sickness, so much so that a staff nurse (bless him, he was a complete angel!) stood next to me with a sick basin the entire operation and didn’t seem to bother at all when I was sick on his hand!  I can’t say that I remember much from theatre, I wasn’t aware of them operating on me (didn’t feel tugging etc), but when you’re shaking as badly I can’t think you’d notice something like that.   I just remember someone saying that this had been the quickest Section they’d done, 3 minute from incision to getting the baby out!  And the panic I had because I didn’t hear any cries, I remember turning my head to my husband in a panic, “I can’t hear anything, is the baby ok?” took all my abilities to stutter between shakes, but then there was that magical sound of baby cries and I could relax.
Although I’m still saddened that I wasn’t brave enough to take my daughter straight away, I was shaking so badly that I was scared to take her in-case I dropped her so I let my husband have the first cuddle,  but there’s something special about having done that, seeing the love and tears in his eyes as he met his daughter and saw her for the first time is something I will never forget seeing.

What they don’t tell you is that once you’ve finally got out of theatre and they’ve given you a bed bath is that you will get the most amazing meal ever, well in my case it was, toast and tea (it was after 11pm by this point, and I’d not eaten since I went in to hospital over 36 hours ago!) so I was ravenous and would have eaten a scabby horse!

Then comes the sudden empty feeling, you no longer feel baby kicks or movements (well you wouldn’t since the baby is now in a plastic cot next to your bed!) but there’s something lonely about that empty feeling.
Then the night sweats, you wake up DRENCHED in sweat as all the excess water leaves your body (in a gush you’d have thought!) and you feel like you’ve drowned yourself in bed.
There’s the catheter & bag you have attached to you from having had surgery, because whilst you’re numbed up, you can’t use your legs to go to the bathroom so they kindly hook you up to a bag to pee in.  This is all well and good, but when you are able to move about, you want that gone immediately.
They also forget to mention that you will bleed like nothing on earth!  Think the worst period bleed and then multiply by a million, that’s somewhere in the region of how much you will bleed after birth.  It’s horrible, and I felt so awful when the maternity pads leaked and made a mess of the bed, but the midwives were so lovely and gave me some of the hospital ones, granted they were like industrial sized and mammoth thick but they did the job.
 

There’s the first bowel movement post birth, which for the feint hearted, stop reading now, but my gosh it’s like hell on bleedin’ Earth!  You pray, beg, plead, promise anything to any deity out there that would end the suffering and just let you empty your bowel.  The sweat pours off you, you’re gripping the loo seat under your thighs for dear life in between rocking back and forth like an escaped inmate from a lunatic asylum hoping that the hour you’ve spent on the loo comes to something!

But would I do it all again?!  Of course I would, despite it being major surgery that takes weeks to recover from, it’s absolutely worth it if it brings a life into the world, and anyone that thinks this makes you less of a mother for giving birth this way should seriously rethink their ideas.  This doesn’t make you less of a mother, it makes you a MOTHER, no “if”, no “but”, no questions, you grew a human in your body for 40 long weeks (possibly more), you ate the right things (hopefully), attended scans to check on development and growth and cared for this little person before you’d met them, you loved them from the moment you were aware of them, so no, in my opinion, it doesn’t make you less of a mother, it makes you equal to any other mother out there for doing a job that’s incredibly hard and you should be proud of it!  

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For a City girl, living in the country is strange.

It’s quiet for a start, and that’s just not “normal” in my book.

Granted,  you hear the rumble of tractors and their trailers passing through the village, and you hear kids playing in the local park sometimes but there’s no planes overhead, no traffic, no people, no sirens and no general buzz like there is in the City.  And I’m not sure I like that.

 (Image: http://www.undiscoveredscotland.co.uk/deer/maud/images/memorial-450.jpg)

It doesn’t help that out here they don’t speak English….well in any recognisable form.  I’m all for local dialects and regional accents, I love language and still trying to add to my repertoire (still trying to learn Russian when I get a chance), but out here I just don’t stand a chance understanding what’s said half the time!

  (Image: http://media.scotslanguage.com/library/image/medium/blank%2Bmuckle.JPG)

If you want a linguistic chuckle, might I suggest looking at the Doric Guide pdf on this website
Doric guide it gives a painful idea of the words used out here and what they mean, granted not all teuchter words are listed!

Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice being out here, but at the same time its infuriatingly still.  I’ve been out with the pram so many times and can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen someone (hell I’d be able to count it even if I lost a few fingers!).  Its fair to say that not a lot happens in small villages, unless you’re part of the “in crowd” and know everyone and all their plans. I think whilst monkey child is still small it will be hard being in a small community, as there’s little you can really do here with under 1s.  Once she’s nursery school age and primary school age things will be easier as she will be going off and forming her own friendships and meeting her peers.  Whereas at the moment, the eternal introvert she has for a mother is hesitant to join in.  I touched upon the idea briefly in a previous post that moving house whilst pregnant to a rural setting was hard, and this is very true.
Pregnancy is hard work, moving house is hard work (unless both coincide at the same time and you’re due to give birth 4 weeks after you move so you’re not allowed to do anything but make the tea and rest), but settling in to a new community is hard.  Suddenly you’re surrounded by new people, a new place and its all oh so unfamiliar, throw in the new baby and hey presto you feel like you’re in the setting of a Tim Burton movie!  It’s almost like being the new kid at school, everyone you encounter is polite enough, but you can’t help but feel like people are trying to work out who you are and what your story is.  And if I could understand half of what they say I’d be more than happy to tell them, but alas they start with the local speak and I’m at a loss.  I can’t wait for monkey baby to grow up so she can translate for me.

I love my house, I love that my little one can grow up in such a safe surrounding and I love the fact that this wee village is walk-able on foot so nothing is ever too far away, but at the same time I miss the City.  I miss the convenience of the City, I miss the sites (and what bloody sites they were!), I don’t miss the smells of the City (especially if the wind was blowing in the wrong direction!) I miss being surrounded by people I could understand!

(Image: http://www.visitscotland.com/cms-images/5×3-large/regions/aberdeen-city-shire/the-granite-city)

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